Am I Part of the Problem?

It was years ago. I was in the classroom, teaching. I loved my classes, my students, my site. But it still happened.

I remember the look in his face as if it was just yesterday. It was hard to understand immediately. All I knew was that I had lost his trust, I'd lit the bridge between us on fire, and somehow suggested he build a large brick wall around himself to stay safe...from me.

All that from a simple phrase spoken aloud.

What I had said wasn't mean. It wasn't malicious. It wasn't meant to put him down.

I simply wanted him to pay attention in class, to focus on the lesson, to stop fooling around.

If you'd been there, you would not have thought that it was a racist, sexist, or elitist comment. And anyone who knows me well understands that I would never intentionally participate in any of these types of actions that serve to disrespect groups of people and undermine the inherent value of each unique and special person.

Yet that day, many years ago, I said one comment...and I still regret it.

Yes, in the middle of a class, I made a comment to a student and I saw him shrink. I saw the words pierce him, and like a popped balloon, he withdrew. He shrank back to find protection within a shell he had already developed.

I had made him feel small!

Instead of being everything a teacher should be:

-someone who sees the best in every kid

-someone who believes in you when it seems no one else does

-someone who can visualize the best version of your future before you can,

instead

I had let words slip out of my mouth that indicated

I might not have high expectations for him,

I maybe wondered about his abilities,

I had assumptions about who he was.

I had made him feel small.

Oh, the regret.

This week, my pastor read a kids book in church called “A Kids Book About Racism” by Jelani Memory. It is a fabulous book, one that pulls back the curtain on our biases, our thoughts, our opinions, and our beliefs, without muddying the topic with all the adult issues that often come up.

In it, the author described racism as not only large things (like the ones that have turned our country upside down this last week), but also the little things. It is the things we think, we do, and things we SAY that make other people feel small for something they cannot control.

I made a student feel that way with one comment. It was a comment that was based on a stereotype.

Being a reflective person, this incident highlighted a bias, an assumption, a belief that I had about this student's culture. I referenced a stereotype I actually respect and wish existed in my own culture...but I made a huge assumption that this stereotype applied to this student because of the color of his skin.

My bias, assumption, stereotype caused someone else to feel small.

What biases do you have? What causes you to be highly annoyed at a student? To expect less of them? To count down until they leave your class? To make assumptions about them before truly knowing them?

For you, maybe it is a bias against:

- our LGBTQ students

- those who just came to the country and speak little English

- the members of our community who are Muslim, or Mormon, or Christian

- our trouble kids

- the "loud" girls

- kids who are rough around the edges and willing to stand up to authority

- those struggling with weight,

- students who are unmotivated

- kids with difficulty learning or autistic characteristics

- the ones whose parents are difficult

- or it could be the color of their skin, nationality, accent, or culture.

Or is there a different bias for you? We all have them. It's time we acknowledge what they are.

My point today is simple. This is the time. As our country strains under the shame of racism yet again, it is time for us to make sure we are aware our contribution. We are teachers. We shape and form the next generation. We have unbelievable influence. Our example is seen and copied by many.

It is time to increase awareness of our biases, our predisposed ideas, our generalizations. It is time to remember our power, our influence and our ability to help change the world. It is time to make sure we build students who are strong, thoughtful, understanding and respectful to one another. It is time to start honoring our differences instead of using them against each other. To find strength in each other. To value one another. To love.

After my mistake, my blunder, my stupid statement, I apologized. The student who had felt shame because of what I had said needed to hear it. And I needed to admit my cultural ignorance and ask forgiveness.

It didn't solve everything. Trust takes a long time to build and only a second to destroy.

And it stays with me. A haunting reminder that I can crush another human with one comment. I don't every want to feel that again. I really don't.

So during this tumultuous time, make sure you:

- identify your biases,

- learn about someone different than you,

- find value in those different from you

- learn to love all.

That's part of what it means to...

Be Well.

Kim

(You may notice I struggle to call my interaction racism. For me, that word, RACISM, is loaded with hate, detest and hostility for a group of people...and those are feelings I do not have. I realize though, that I still contributed to racism with what I said...even though I don't have these thoughts or feelings. This might be a topic I will need to unpack more in the future! Just thought it might need an explanation...)