"To err is human..."
It was my second year of teaching in a small private school. The parents of the students were all doctors and business owners, all college graduates with big plans for their children. High expectations were held for students and teachers alike. As a second year teacher, I had 6 different courses to prep and was in charge of ASB as an unpaid, but expected, extracurricular.
I was young. Inexperienced, but ready for any challenge. I was not going to be an average teacher! I was going to be the best! In my mind, "the best" teacher prepared her students for their futures so well that what lay ahead would be easy! I had learned from some teachers like that, and I had survived. So now, it was my turn to do the same.
The pressure of highly educated parents as well as the pressure I put on myself to excel in what I thought I knew (how to teach), set me up well...for a fall!
I sat down to correct a difficult test I had given to my Biology students...to find that every student had answered almost every question correctly! This was NOT possible! I knew my students well (as I taught them math AND science, and sometimes other subjects as well). I was quite sure that they were not all fluent in mitosis processes. As much as I wanted to think I was just a fabulous teacher and my students had learned how to study hard under my excellent tutelage, I knew better!
I didn't hesitate. I went straight to the principal to indicate a cheating scandal in my class and determine the next steps. He guided me through a process to determine what actually happened and encourage me to give zeros to all students who were guilty. I did.
(The plan didn't quite sit right with me however, so I also offered a retake.)
What transpired after is only believable to those of us who have taught in the private sector and understand the precarious positions that one can find themselves in. There was a discipline committee who met to review (and uphold) the decision, then a town hall where students and parents complained bitterly in a public setting about ALL things they didn't like at the school (my grading of tests merely one of these transgressions). I had a conversation with a board member who tried to get me to speak out against the principal in order to save my own job (my answer was a resounding "NO") along with countless conversations with the students about whether what they did could really be considered cheating.
In the end, I was the one who learned a lesson, rather than the students.
As I reflected, I wished I had done some things differently.
I wish I would have just listened to the students, before jumping to conclusions.
I wish I would have listened to my gut after hearing the plan to find out "whodunit".
I wish I could have ignored the pressure to be perfect, from myself and others.
I wish I knew that it was okay for a teacher to make mistakes, admit fault and learn from it.
"To err is human..."
That was the turning point for me. I knew I was going to make mistakes as a teacher, or in any other role I found myself in (mom, daughter, wife, principal). I understood that some of the roles I play also put me in a place of judgement over the work of others. And I knew that I DID NOT want to be making mistakes in judgement that caused others to lose hope, become discouraged, to lose their way. So I took on a guiding principal that has stayed with me ever since.
You will err. But, whenever possible, err on the side of mercy.
For me, this did not mean lowering my standards for students. I still expected high performance, exceptional learning and quality evidence. However, I found ways to give mercy, whether in make-up tests and quizzes, accepting late work, having contracts with students who struggled with homework completion, or inviting students for lunch tutoring. It was impossible for students to earn an A in my classes without being "on top" of everything every day. However, it was not impossible to earn a passing grade if a student were willing to keep trying.
Err on the side of mercy
This phrase constantly follows me, even now. Sometimes, this is the phrase that wakes me up at night when I am tossing and turning in deep debate with myself. Decisions I'm faced with require thought and insight, consideration of many factors and impacts for the future (and that's just in my role as "mom"!).
Here's the thing:
I still make mistakes.
I am still faced with decisions that require judgement.
I still have high expectations for myself.
There is still pressure to make the "right" decision.
I still struggle to balance the need for high expectations and the desire for mercy.
My prayer is that I can be found coming from a place of mercy, more often than not.
This week:
Give hope.
Find joy.
Err on the side of mercy.
Kim
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